Saturday, May 9, 2015

Celebrating Momma


This Mother’s Day I am celebrating my beautiful mother… by not spending it with her. 

And it is bittersweet to say the least.

You see I had every intention to spend the day finding creative ways to celebrate my mom despite her living with Lou Gehrig’s Disease. In spite of her living with Lou Gehrig’s Disease. And mainly because she is alive to spend it with. 

But as life would have it, my own two toddlers caught a virus the week leading up to Mother’s Day. Thus, I would not be able to continue with my plans, and instead, I would stay home through the weekend to get them better. Bittersweet to say the least.

Since my mom’s diagnosis with ALS nearly two and a half years ago, we treat every holiday, trip, and visit like it’s our last. We celebrate big, we always say I love you, and we leave a little piece of our heart with the memories. So to say that the taste in my mouth was bitter would be accurate as I texted my mom the news that I would in fact have to postpone our plans.  My heart broke that I would not get to squeeze my momma’s neck, gently of course, as I whispered in her ear, “I love you and you are the best mom God designed for me!” My eyes welled up with tears as I realized I would not get to create a big “to do” for her Mother’s Day she so very much deserved. I just… can’t.  I can’t barely stand that I could be celebrating this day with her, because, well… she’s alive. Yes, bitter describes it.

 Of course she responds with the genuine Mom of the Year reply, “I will miss you but you are where you need to be.”

Immediately, I am whisked away to the present as my youngest crawls into my lap and pitifully lay her head on my shoulder. My heart explodes with love, compassion, and sympathy for her. Oh, thank you Jesus, that you have given me these precious babies to care for. Even as my oldest toddler begins whining, crankiness has overtaken his tired body, I take a deep breath and know that my mom is right. I am where I need to be. 

And it is sweet.

So today, Mom, I am celebrating you, by not spending it with you. I am celebrating it by giving my children the gift of a mother who loves them through their crabbiness, will nurse them through their sickness, and sacrifice my desires for the betterment of their little selves. So, basically, be a reflection of you, dear momma.

Today I celebrate the joy the Lord has given you that I so admire. It will look a little like doing the stanky leg dance combined with the lyrics from a Bubble Guppies episode just to see a grin appear on my tots weary face.

I will celebrate the love you have for me that you have never made me question.  For this demonstration, I will not run away in disgust as my tiny girl leans in for a drooly, snotty, opened mouth kiss. I will hold fast and return her love and snuggles until she pushes away from laughter.

I will celebrate your pure excitement you’ve always shown in the little things by reading the same Sophie the Giraffe book over and over just to see my Jaxson’s eyes light up with glee.

I will celebrate your dedication. It will take shape by waking up every hour in the night my babies cry out in discomfort and I will cradle them until calm.

I will celebrate your incredible outward beauty by taking tons of photos with my tots no matter the lack of makeup and rest, or evidence of snot and drool on my shirt sleeve. Because photos are memory reminders and I have lots of precious memories to be reminded of. The bags under my eyes and drool stains will just have to deal. When the babies don’t mind, momma don’t mind.

I will celebrate your compassion. It will sound like a patient mom in the midst of the tenth tantrum of the afternoon. I may be counting in my head the hours til bedtime, but I will remain calm and compassionate.  Oh, Lawd, help me!

I will celebrate your fear of the Lord. As we stay home from church to keep our germs at bay, the Lord will continued to be praised through song and opening of the Word. I may even dress us in the matching outfits I had planned. After all, Mother’s Day is as good as any to have pictures for blackmail in the future, right? Bless their hearts.

Mom, you WILL be celebrated today. Because of the amazing mother you were and continue to be, you have blessed my children with a mother who understands what it means to be loved, affirmed, prayed over, and valued. Your legacy of motherhood is one to be mirrored. I celebrate you today by being the best mom I know how to be. Thank you for being a beautiful example. From the time I breathed my first breath til the day you breathe your last, I know your love is incomparable on this earth. You rejoice over me as the Lord does, you encourage me through your endurance, and you minister to me in every creative way you can. I celebrate the mom you were when I was a babe and I celebrate the mom you are today. Your abilities may have changed but the way you continue to prove my value as a woman, wife, mother, minister, homemaker, friend, sister, business owner, etc is unparalleled. Your love and life mean so much to this girl. Thank you for every hug, kiss, dance, song, card, message, call, and prayer directed towards me. I couldn’t have imagined anything more wonderful than a mother who has done all that you have. Kristina loves Momma. And I know. I know. Momma loves Kristina.


P.S. I can’t wait until my babies are better and we can come celebrate WITH you. Because we all know it’s not just the thought that counts. Momma deserves some confetti and a gift covered with five packages worth of tissue paper :)