This Mother’s Day I am celebrating my beautiful mother… by
not spending it with her.
And it is bittersweet to say the least.
You see I had every intention to spend the day finding
creative ways to celebrate my mom despite her living with Lou Gehrig’s Disease.
In spite of her living with Lou Gehrig’s Disease. And mainly because she is
alive to spend it with.
But as life would have it, my own two toddlers caught a
virus the week leading up to Mother’s Day. Thus, I would not be able to
continue with my plans, and instead, I would stay home through the weekend to get
them better. Bittersweet to say the least.
Since my mom’s diagnosis with ALS nearly two and a half
years ago, we treat every holiday, trip, and visit like it’s our last. We
celebrate big, we always say I love you, and we leave a little piece of our
heart with the memories. So to say that the taste in my mouth was bitter would
be accurate as I texted my mom the news that I would in fact have to postpone
our plans. My heart broke that I would
not get to squeeze my momma’s neck, gently of course, as I whispered in her
ear, “I love you and you are the best mom God designed for me!” My eyes welled
up with tears as I realized I would not get to create a big “to do” for her
Mother’s Day she so very much deserved. I just… can’t. I can’t barely stand that I could be
celebrating this day with her, because, well… she’s alive. Yes, bitter
describes it.
Of course she
responds with the genuine Mom of the Year reply, “I will miss you but you are
where you need to be.”
Immediately, I am whisked away to the present as my youngest
crawls into my lap and pitifully lay her head on my shoulder. My heart explodes
with love, compassion, and sympathy for her. Oh, thank you Jesus, that you have
given me these precious babies to care for. Even as my oldest toddler begins
whining, crankiness has overtaken his tired body, I take a deep breath and know
that my mom is right. I am where I need to be.
And it is sweet.
So today, Mom, I am celebrating you, by not spending it with
you. I am celebrating it by giving my children the gift of a mother who loves
them through their crabbiness, will nurse them through their sickness, and sacrifice
my desires for the betterment of their little selves. So, basically, be a
reflection of you, dear momma.
Today I celebrate the joy the Lord has given you that I so
admire. It will look a little like doing the stanky leg dance combined with the
lyrics from a Bubble Guppies episode just to see a grin appear on my tots weary
face.
I will celebrate the love you have for me that you have never
made me question. For this demonstration,
I will not run away in disgust as my tiny girl leans in for a drooly, snotty,
opened mouth kiss. I will hold fast and return her love and snuggles until she
pushes away from laughter.
I will celebrate your pure excitement you’ve
always shown in the little things by reading the same Sophie
the Giraffe book over and over just to see my Jaxson’s eyes light up with glee.
I will celebrate your dedication. It will take shape by
waking up every hour in the night my babies cry out in discomfort and I will cradle
them until calm.
I will celebrate your incredible outward beauty by taking
tons of photos with my tots no matter the lack of makeup and rest, or evidence
of snot and drool on my shirt sleeve. Because photos are memory reminders and I
have lots of precious memories to be reminded of. The bags under my eyes and
drool stains will just have to deal. When the babies don’t mind, momma don’t
mind.
I will celebrate your compassion. It will sound like a
patient mom in the midst of the tenth tantrum of the afternoon. I may be
counting in my head the hours til bedtime, but I will remain calm and
compassionate. Oh, Lawd, help me!
I will celebrate your fear of the Lord. As we stay home from
church to keep our germs at bay, the Lord will continued to be praised through
song and opening of the Word. I may even dress us in the matching outfits I had
planned. After all, Mother’s Day is as good as any to have pictures for
blackmail in the future, right? Bless their hearts.
Mom, you WILL be celebrated today. Because of the amazing
mother you were and continue to be, you have blessed my children with a mother
who understands what it means to be loved, affirmed, prayed over, and valued.
Your legacy of motherhood is one to be mirrored. I celebrate you today by being
the best mom I know how to be. Thank you for being a beautiful example. From
the time I breathed my first breath til the day you breathe your last, I know
your love is incomparable on this earth. You rejoice over me as the Lord does,
you encourage me through your endurance, and you minister to me in every
creative way you can. I celebrate the mom you were when I was a babe and I
celebrate the mom you are today. Your abilities may have changed but the way
you continue to prove my value as a woman, wife, mother, minister, homemaker,
friend, sister, business owner, etc is unparalleled. Your love and life mean so
much to this girl. Thank you for every hug, kiss, dance, song, card, message,
call, and prayer directed towards me. I couldn’t have imagined anything more
wonderful than a mother who has done all that you have. Kristina loves Momma. And
I know. I know. Momma loves Kristina.
P.S. I can’t wait until my babies are better and we can come
celebrate WITH you. Because we all know it’s not just the thought that counts.
Momma deserves some confetti and a gift covered with five packages worth of
tissue paper :)
